Why am I dreaming?
Of course they will respond with the normal “You must be human!” I have many dreams and one of them is to become a GREAT doctor. It’s not just a doctor, I want someone who can be trusted, with quality equipment. Of course, I will spend ten years just to reach that dream. In those ten years, will I allow myself to be casual?
It’s a long process and I have to go through a lot of dreams. It’s not for nothing that I said I want to be a doctor, that’s my dream. There are many more actually, others are minor but one of the major is to become a writer. I don’t know what kind of determination is joining me. All I know is, I love writing so I do it, I persevere (it’s like love ones, ayieeee). I also really enjoy reading short stories, novels and whatnot, especially when it’s written in Pinoy. I easily get inspiration around me. I want to write what I see and feel is the reality of life. Shit! Vision is beautiful. Mission is missing, I can become an institution (joke! Haha korni).
How can I become a writer? It is also my dream that when I pass to the publisher it will be approved and become a book. As far as I’m concerned, it seems highly unlikely to happen. What does a Psychology major know about writing? What will a rejected one fight against the editorial staff of his school in high school? Can a loser in writing contests do anything? How can someone who is weak in reading comprehension and grammar write?
Am I good at writing? If I fool myself, of course the brilliant copper when I face the reality is gone. I know because I’m not mature yet. My talent is baby. Not yet blooming.
“That’s you. You still have a lot to learn!”
It’s just sad to think because 24 hours is not enough for both of my dreams. By seven o’clock I should be focused on my subjects and I need to be with Psychology book, Chem lecture, Logic handouts etc… Hey goodbye writing first. Sometimes I wonder if I should continue taking BS Psychology as my pre-med course or if I should give it up and study writing altogether. Sometimes I also think that I just hate writing? I want to try but I love them both. If you take away one, it’s like you killed me too. Yes, I’m a two-timer!
I also thought that in the next few years, I will be more busy because as the year increases, the degree of the student also increases. Meaning: boom! you don’t have time to rest! You have to study, study, STUDY!
What will happen to my dream? I don’t know, I don’t know why I feel that one of the reasons why God raised me up was to be able to write. I feel like he is a mission assigned to me. I am trying everything to heal. I entered blogging and I was happy because there were a few accepted blog entries on the Definitely Filipino Blog. I write in school plays and when I travel, I write short stories or poems. I am still a failure in writing because there are tons of grammar errors in what I do.
I do get depressed sometimes because no one reads my Wattpad story much but that’s okay. I guess that’s not an indication that I won’t get better. My rebellious actions are still asleep (chos! Rizal Rizal?). I just use my failures as motivation. I think nothing will happen in my life if I just give up. If I can write, I know myself that I can do anything. Maybe it’s just a test. Surmountable too.